The Full Monty
by Cover Girl
Summary: When Duke puts Falcon and Shipwreck in charge of the entertainment, look for chaos and confusion. Please read & review.


The Full Monty  
Author: Cover Girl  
Ch 1/1  
Feedback: Please read and review.  
Rating PG-13  
Distribution: FF.net, List archives, JWA, ladyjaye.topcities.com  
  
DISCLAMERS: GI Joe and its characters are the property of Marvel and Hasbro. I'm just borrowing them. Please read & review.  
  
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"Shipwreck, hurry up, will ya? I told Duke we'd handle the entertainment for the stag party." Falcon pounded on Shipwreck's door. No answer. He growled under his breath, turning his head to the right. He saw Dialtone fumbling with his keys, trying to open his door. "Dialtone, have you seen Shipwreck?" Falcon clamped his hand over his shoulder, startling him.  
  
"Aw...Gawd!" Dialtone jumped. "You scared the hell out of me."  
  
"Where's Shipwreck?"  
  
"Dunno, I...ah...thought he was with you." Dialtone shrugged, pushing the door open. A horn blew in the parking lot drawing their attention to the window.  
  
"Who the..." Falcon snapped the blinds up, placing his hand on the edge of Dialtone's desk. "Ship....damn it, Dialtone." Falcon's hand slipped on a stack of Star Trek magazines, sending them scattering. "Shipwreck, what are you doing down there?" He yelled from the window, oblivious to Dialtone's attempt to salvage his prized collection.  
  
"No respect for..." Dialtone muttered under his breath, gathering his magazines in one hand while catching his Enterprise model in the other when Falcon brushed past it opening the window. "Falcon, do you m--ind?" He stammered.  
  
"I've been waiting for you," Shipwreck yelled back, leaning against Falcon's car.  
  
"I'll be right down...don't move." Falcon placed his hands firmly on the window, closing it before grabbling Dialtone by the collar. "Man, you need to get out for some real fun. Come on." Falcon dragged Dial Tone out the door behind him.  
  
*****   
  
"They're closed?" Falcon groaned, swiping his beret from his head. Looking up at the marquee he read the words out loud, "Closed...Private Party. Damn it!"  
  
"Aw...man." Dialtone slouched, shaking his head. "Now, what do we do? Flint's party's this Saturday."  
  
"We just slip inside and find the right ladies." Shipwreck grinned, slapping their backs. "Trust me, I've done this before..." He winked, leading them to the side entrance where an intimidating bouncer stood guarding the door.  
  
"We're not get...ting past him." Dialtone gulped.  
  
"Hey, check it out." Falcon nodded towards several men, entering the front. "We just slip in with them." The three men walked past a poster hanging over itself, obscuring an announcement for the upcoming male review.  
  
"I dunno a...bout this Falcon...Shipwreck," Dialtone gulped, looking towards the front of the line where a woman stood with a clipboard. "It must...be a...um...invitation only thing. Look, she's checking them off."  
  
"Take it easy, Dialtone," Shipwreck groaned. "I'll get us in, let me handle it." Casting a glance to Falcon, Shipwreck winked. "Piece of cake kid, watch and learn."  
  
"Yeah." Falcon rolled his eyes. "If we don't get the girls for Saturday, Duke's going to kill us." He shoved Shipwreck forward.  
  
"Hey, there babe," Shipwreck lifted his cap from his head.  
  
"It's about time you showed up," the club manager sighed, relief filled her voice for a second as she studied them. "You're not at all what I expected," she raked her eyes over Shipwreck and Dialtone before settling them on Falcon. "But, beggars can't be choosers. This is an important party, let's go." She grabbed Falcon's arm, dragging him inside. "The dressing rooms are through the door and to your left. You better hurry up the first set's nearly finished," a slow smile curved the corners of her mouth. She watched Shipwreck nod and reach for the door. "On second thought," she paused, grasping Falcon's wrist. "You're perfect just the way you are...the sailor, too. Have the other guy report to wardrobe. Now, I've got a show to run....what do they call you?" She winked at Falcon.  
  
"You can call me what ever you like?" Falson winked back, catching a raised brow from her.  
  
"Falcon, stop will ya? We got work to do," Shipwreck called from the door.  
  
"Falcon?" The stage manager questioned, her voice laced with speculation. "I like that...go on I'll call you out shortly. What's your song?"  
  
"What ever you want it to be?" The Green Beret replied smoothly.  
  
"Aw...Gawd," Dialtone groaned, observing Falcon start to follow the woman.  
  
She paused in her steps, turning to face Falcon. "Not now handsome, maybe after the show." She pushed him to the door, continuing on towards the main floor.  
  
"Falcon!" Shipwreck snapped, drawing his attention. "Come on...we have to find some girls."  
  
"Good idea. You and Dialtone check the dressing rooms and I'll see what's happening on stage," Falcon grinned.  
  
"Look, kid...ah...nevermind. If I leave it to you, we'll be here all night." Shipwreck closed the door to follow Dialtone. He was barely paying attention when he collided into the man's back. "Dialtone?"  
  
"Ah...Shipwreck...this isn't wh...what Duke had in mind," Dialtone sputtered, nodding to the dressing area.   
  
"Huh? What the hell?" Shipwreck dragged his cap off, scratching the back of his head. He scanned the room, his eyes falling on a flyer, "ALL MALE REVIEW," his jaw dropped.  
  
*****   
  
"Whoo hoo! Did you see that last one?" Cover Girl sank into her seat between Scarlett and Lady Jaye. "I think I just died and went to heaven," she sighed, waving down a waiter. "Even the waiters are looking good tonight."  
  
The other laughed as they followed her glare.   
  
"You should get married more often Allie," Scarlett sighed, straining her neck to see the next dancer in the wings.  
  
"Oooh! Blonde and built, just like you like them, girl." Jinx threw her head back laughing. "This is too cool.... having the whole place to ourselves. Your mother went all out on this one." She glanced over to Lady Jaye's mother standing with the owner.  
  
"You can thank me for that." Cover Girl leaned back, glancing towards the bar. "She wanted a party to remember and I didn't have to twist her arm for it once I knew who she was inviting."  
  
"What did you say?" The three women asked in unison.  
  
"Ah...you only live once...so live it well," Cover Girl chuckled.  
  
"Speaking of my mother, what's she up to now?" Lady Jaye leaned back, looking towards the bar.  
  
"Oh...just a little surprise," Cover Girl winked.  
  
"Courtney?" Lady Jaye leveled her voice.  
  
"All right...we got one of the dancers to...oh...wait and see....you'll like it."  
  
*****   
  
"Come on, where's Falcon?" Shipwreck pushed his way through the backstage. He sighed as he reached the wing area. "Dialtone....you see him? What the hell is going on out there?" He walked towards Dialtone who was looking out over the main floor.  
  
"Ah...Shipwreck...you're...ah...not...ah going to believe this...not in a mill...million years," Dialtone sputtered.  
  
"What is it?" Shipwreck pulled him away to see for himself. "Shit...its Lady Jaye's party. Come on, we have to find the Gee Bee and get the hell out of here fast," he jerked Dialtone by the shoulder, dragging him after him.  
  
"Ready, handsome?" The woman found Falcon in the hall leading to the main floor.   
  
"What's that?" Falcon heard the muffled shouts from the audience.  
  
"Your fans," she winked, slipping her arm through his. "Come on," she purred in his ear, leading him to the stage wings.  
  
"Sounds like a great party." Falcon reached to part the drapes. "What the..." He gasped seeing a room full of women, clambering near the last dancer before he turned running towards him.  
  
"Good luck, buddy, they're wild," the retreating dancer slapped him on the back with one hand while tugging his briefs back into place with the other.  
  
"Ah...I think...there's been...ah...mis..." Falcon stammered, trying to get the words out.  
  
"You'll be fine, go," the stage manager laughed, propelling Falcon forward on to the dance floor with a shove.  
  
The women were clapping, cheering him on but he wasn't moving.   
  
"Come on, show them what you got!" He heard the stage manager yell out to him, instigating a series of catcalls.  
  
"Ah...Shipwreck, I...ah...found him." Dialtone stifled a chuckle.  
"Oh man, this isn't right." Shipwreck raked his cap over his eyes.  
  
"What's going on?" Lady Jaye frowned, hearing the music stop. She looked up from the table.  
  
"Hold on...let me see," Cover Girl stood up on her chair. "Hey, the bride's over here buddy." She whistled through her fingers, pointing to Lady Jaye seated.   
  
Falcon swallowed a lump in his throat, grappling for the curtain.  
  
"Come on, Falcon," Shipwreck groaned, grasping his arm.  
  
"I'm trying! Hey, let go!" Falcon felt himself being dragged back by several pairs of hands. "SHIPWRECK!"  
  
"I got you." Shipwreck planted his feet, holding onto Falcon's arm as they were both pulled out onto the stage.  
  
"Hey, show us what you got!" Cover Girl yelled from her chair.  
  
"Oh my God! He's got Shipwreck with him," Lady Jaye groaned, burying her face in her hands.  
  
"Even better." Jinx jumped up on her chair. "Whoo hooo a two for one....come on guys!" She flexed her fingers towards her.  
  
The two men looked at each other.   
  
"Shipwreck?" Falcon shifted his eyes around, seeing they were surrounded.  
  
"No escape kid." Shipwreck winced. "You got two choices....you take it off...or they will." He winked, reaching for the buckle on his pants. "Just follow the master..."   
  
"Oh my God, didn't that move go out with the Village People." Lady Jaye choked, spewing her drink.  
  
"Hey, Dallas, you got plenty of film left in that camera?" Scarlett leaned over from her seat, tapping Dallas on the shoulder.  
  
"Honey, this is one show no one's gonna miss," Dallas chuckled.   
  
"Hey, Scarlett, keep an eye on Falcon will ya, tell us if there's a family resemblance," Cover Girl whooped, slapping her on the back.  
  
"Cute Courtney, real cute. Oh my God!" Scarlett's jaw dropped open.  
  
"This is bad, real bad," Jinx shook her head. "Maybe we should stop them."  
  
"I don't know, turnabout's fair play isn't it?" Lady Jaye smirked humorously. "How many times have we caught one of them hanging around the locker room door?" She glanced to the ladies. "Shall we?" Catching a grin from each, she stepped forward placing her fingers to her lips to whistle.  
  
"Now, Allie, honey, don't you go messin' wi' those boys too much," Dallas clucked.  
  
"C'est moi?" Lady Jaye shrugged innocently.  
  
"Come on, Dallas, think about the time Falcon 'accidentally' walked in the locker room. What was it... a faucet inspection?" Cover Girl rolled her eyes.  
  
"Your right, Courtney, smoke 'em, hon." Dallas winked at Lady Jaye as she waited for Lady Jaye to stand on her chair before focusing the camera on their faces.  
  
"Aw...come on boys, you can do better than that," Lady Jaye taunted them.   
  
"Oh, you're evil," Scarlett chuckled, seeing Falcon's eyes widen as a few women moved in on him.  
  
"Hey, babe, check this out!" Shipwreck placed his hands behind his head, rotating his hips.  
  
"Shipwreck's eating this up.... he's so dead if Dash ever sees this," Lady Jaye laughed before yelling. "Come on, sailor, is that the best you've got for us?"  
  
"Look at the MAN," Jinx covered her mouth, stifling a giggle. "Poor Falcon, he doesn't know what to do out there..."  
  
"All talk... NO SHOW!" Cover Girl narrowed her eyes on him, stepping down from her chair. The others watched her walk over to the edge of the dance floor. "What's the matter soldier? Shy? TAKE IT OFF! Right ladies?" The response was an overwhelming chat of "TAKE IT OFF...TAKE IT OFF..."  
  
"Ah...Shipwreck?" Falcon bumped into the sailor who was dragging his shirt over his shoulders.  
  
"What...you heard the ladies...come on Falcon, you'll never have a crowd like this again. See the blonde over there?" Shipwreck nodded to the left, winking to the woman in question. "She wants me...check it out." He grinned, putting on his best Risky Business routine.  
  
"Allie, check Shipwreck out." Scarlett nudged her arm.  
  
"He wouldn't...oh my God!" Lady Jaye's eyes went wide, watching him slide to his knees, teasing the zipper up and down. "Hopefully he won't zip himself," she rolled her eyes as he turned taunting the women slowly shimmying his pants a little lower then pulling them up.  
  
*Whistle* "Whoo hoo, check him out ladies?" Cover Girl shouted, pointing to Shipwreck. "Come on sailor, show it to us!" She began clapping her hands and stomping her foot, gathering the others with her as they leaned into to watch his every move.  
  
"Ah...Allie, check out Falcon. Looks like he's following Shipwreck's lead," Scarlett groaned, turning her attention to the Green Beret.  
  
Lady Jaye's eyes scanned the room, catching sight of the curtains parting. "Shana, 2 o'clock...they're not alone," she stepped away from the table. Sliding around the crowd, she crept up on the curtain whisking it open. "Dialtone, what are you doing here with these two?"  
  
"I...ah...I...ah..."  
  
"Falcon?"  
  
"Ah...yeah," he stammered, a slight blush crept up his face.  
  
"Come on," Lady Jaye chuckled, "Dallas has been filming most of this. I think she'd appreciate the help. Care to tell me how these two got wind of this?" She laughed softly, guiding him through the crowd.   
  
"Well...ah...you see...Falcon's in charge..."  
  
"Dialtone?" She narrowed her eyes on him. "What was Falcon doing here?"  
  
"Well, ya see...he...that is Duke...ah...gee I'm sorry," he looked down, hiding his embarrassment.  
  
"Falcon...Duke...hmm? Dash's stag party?" She watched him flinch. "Don't worry, I won't say a word. Help me get these two out of here so we can have some real fun....this is getting a little painful to watch," she winced, observing Falcon getting into the swing of things. Shipwreck was gathering tips in his briefs.  
  
"Hey, toots!" Shipwreck bumped into Lady Jaye, turning to face her. "Ah...sorry...nice little bash ya got," he gulped. She glanced towards Jinx waving a dollar and mouthing 'do it'."  
  
"Hector, you're too much," Lady Jaye chuckled, cradling his face in her hands before brushing a light kiss over his lips.  
  
"DEAD MAN DANCING!" Cover Girl yelled. "Dallas, did you get that?"  
  
*****   
  
"I can't believe you made all that," Falcon grumbled eyeing Shipwreck chomping on a cigar, counting his tips. "Damn it where'd they go?" Falcon search for his pants.  
  
"Hey, ya didn't listen kid," Shipwreck grinned counting out his cash before waving the stack at him. "What's a matter, ya can't find your pants?"  
  
"Ah...no?" Falcon scratched his head, looking over the room.  
  
"Maybe someone kept a souvenir," Shipwreck smirked. "Grab a table cloth and let's get going." Shipwreck glanced over to the door where Dialtone stood, waiting.  
  
"We can't go back," Falcon blanched. "What do we tell Duke? We couldn't get a stripper for Flint."  
  
"I took care of that." Dialtone grinned with confidence.  
  
"Yeah...right," Shipwreck smirked. "Who'd ya get...ya have to have standards for this." Shipwreck framed his hands in front of him. "She's gotta be built...she's gotta know what to do," he sighed, reflectively.   
  
"Trust me, this one knows exactly what to do," Dialtone smirked humorously. "She's more of ah...ah... private dancer though." He fought down a blush.  
  
"Well, I hope so...if Duke finds out about this he's never gonna let us live it down," Falcon groaned.  
  
*****   
  
"What did you do with that tape of Falcon and Shipwreck?" Scarlett tapped on Cover Girl's door.  
  
"Ah...Jinx and I figured it would be good quality entertainment for Dash's party," Cover Girl snickered, leaning back with her Car and Driver magazine.  
  
"You didn't?" Scarlett gasped, falling back against the doorjamb. "It was bad enough you hung his pants on the flagpole. Hawk is still trying to figure out who those pants belong too."  
  
"Hey, they'll know now, besides they wanted a strip tease, didn't they?" Cover Girl smirked, turning the pages of her magazine as Scarlett walked off. 


End file.
